Ok, I need some feedback on this poem, especially from Vancouverites... I'm presenting it as part of a project this weekend. This project is what I've been so busy with that I haven't been able to blog... along with the exam I'm writing tomorrow morning. Pray for me! More to come soon...
VANCOUVER MAKES ITSELF AT HOME IN ME
One day
when I wasn't
paying attention
I slid the red-soled freighters
over my feet and
plodded leisurely across the water
I felt the stroke of the sea on
my sandstrewn nape;
its tides scattered all my seastar freckles
my hair flowed down in cascading
tresses, coursing into the gutters and
drowning every sidewalk
my fingers crept up through the knuckled branches
of the catalpas lining tenth ave, hands
hardening inside gnarled mossgreen gloves
my back assumed the curve of the downtown skyline,
each gleaming building a glassy vertebra
slotted stepwise into my spine
I meandered through
the evergreen neverbrown of it
the mountainheight oceandepth of it
until it recognized me...
and
all at once
thousands of cherry blossoms
unfurled their blushing flags
across my face
VANCOUVER MAKES ITSELF AT HOME IN ME
One day
when I wasn't
paying attention
I slid the red-soled freighters
over my feet and
plodded leisurely across the water
I felt the stroke of the sea on
my sandstrewn nape;
its tides scattered all my seastar freckles
my hair flowed down in cascading
tresses, coursing into the gutters and
drowning every sidewalk
my fingers crept up through the knuckled branches
of the catalpas lining tenth ave, hands
hardening inside gnarled mossgreen gloves
my back assumed the curve of the downtown skyline,
each gleaming building a glassy vertebra
slotted stepwise into my spine
I meandered through
the evergreen neverbrown of it
the mountainheight oceandepth of it
until it recognized me...
and
all at once
thousands of cherry blossoms
unfurled their blushing flags
across my face
3 comments:
beth i am lovin' on this poem. seriously.
p.s. i can't wait to be neighbours again!
Beth, I'm not a Vancouverite, but I love the evocative metaphors. It's a stream of beautiful words, like all good poetry. Just a thought, I think 'a thousand cherry blossoms' would flow a little better than 'thousands of cherry blossoms'.
See you soon.
love it. mountainheight oceandepth: brilliantly evocative, tasteful neologisms.
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