Have you ever heard of Wreck Beach? It's Vancouver's only nude beach.
No, I haven't been there. Yet. But I have a pretty good story about Jericho Beach. That's the beach that's right by my house.
This morning, I woke up and I wanted to do my devotions by the ocean for the first time. Last night whilst playing guitar on the beach, Danice and I found a great secret passageway from the park outside our house, over the fence and down to beach level. It's rather steep.
So this morning I went traipsing out with my Bible. There was a man sitting by the entrance to our passageway, which made me kind of self-conscious. But I nonchalantly hopped the fence and proceeded to make my way down this steep slope. Near the end, there's a large step down. I stepped, and I heard a loud ripping sound. It was my pants. I looked down, and the whole crotch area was in two parts. Here is a picture to demonstrate. Yes, mom, these are the ones you fixed. Sorry.
I don't think the guy saw me, but I couldn't go back up there with him watching. So I carried my sweater in such a way that it concealed my area of concern, and set out along the beach, laughing at myself.
The story is not over. I did my devotions, and somehow I got that Steven Curtis Chapman song "Dive" in my head. Now, those of you who have had experience with Steven Curtis Chapman know that his music can have dramatic effects on people. I was staring at the ocean with the lyrics running through my head, "I'm diving in, I'm going deep..." And suddenly, I stood up and took my watch and glasses off, and ran into the ocean with my clothes on.
It was salty and cold, and almost felt like skinny dipping because of the increase in water flow due to the aforementioned pants accident. After a few minutes, I got out and walked back along the beach, again using the sweater, dripping wet. All I can say is I'm glad the beach was very sparsely populated.
So I've had my Vancouver baptism. And I promise to share all of my embarassing experiences with all of you. One more reason to keep tuning in.
P.S. Want to hear the most ironic part? I was washing the ocean off my body in the shower when I realized I was using ocean-scented body wash!